Funny Lines From Lumiere From Beauty and the Beast

Disney's Beauty and the Beast

After all those years with no outside contact, it seems he forgot basic etiquette.

• "Belle" contains the lines "Never part of any crowd/'Cause her head's up on some cloud". The second line is sung by a barber... who's so busy singing about Belle that he doesn't notice he's just cut off a man's mustache.
  • Before that, there was a Funny Background Event involving a laughing boy chasing a small pig out of frame. A moment later, the boy runs back into frame screaming as he gets chased by a bigger pig.
• During the opening song, a merchant looks at a woman's cleavage as they exchange hellos. The woman then asks, "How is your wife?", upon which the merchant's angry wife smacks him with a rolling pin.
• The fact that Gaston first sings his love for Belle, he does it while pointing a gun at her. So much for best hunter.
  • Also in Gaston's part of "Belle", he's so busy looking at himself in the mirror that he doesn't notice Belle walk past, or LeFou's attempt to alert him to this.
  • At the end, Gaston announces his plans to woo Belle — which causes everyone to crowd in his way to look at her.
• The Bimbettes "accidentally" spraying LeFou with water after he goes gaga over them. One of them actually used her heaving bosom to push down on the water pump.
• Gaston grabbing Belle's book and asking how she can read it when it doesn't even have any pictures. Made funnier by the fact that it actually does have pictures, it's just that it's an illustrated storybook with a lot of text.
  • Even funnier is that Gaston is holding the book sideways, as if he was expecting an anachronistic Playboy centerfold.
  • And of course, Belle's comeback. Who knew she was such a Deadpan Snarker?

    Belle: Well, some people use their imagination.

• When Belle tells Gaston to use his imagination, Gaston has a look on his face like he had never thought of that before.
• Anything with Gaston when he's not being sadistically creepy. Something about his ego and the way he talks with pride over the assumption that if he wants something then he deserves it is hilarious.
  • Funniest part is this, after LeFou makes fun of Belle's father (which Gaston found hilarious):
  • His first line in the movie. It's so transparently asshole-ish that it's just hilarious.

    LeFou: Whoa, you didn't miss a shot, Gaston. You're the greatest hunter in the whole world.
    Gaston: I know.

  • Gaston suggesting to Belle to stop reading and pay attention to more important things. Namely him. Cue Bimbettes going 'Aaaahhh...'.
  • When Gaston talks about reading being not right for a woman, as it can lead to her thinking, he makes it sound like thinking is a disease and he is concerned about Belle's health. Even funnier, in his own song, Gaston believes thinking is also a dangerous thing for men.
• Belle attempting to defend Maurice:

  Belle: My father's not crazy! He's a genius! [cue explosion]
  [Belle runs back home as Gaston and LeFou laugh]

• Belle, aware that the townsfolk are gossiping about her, looks to her father for reassurance:

  Belle: Papa...do you think I'm odd?
  Maurice: (emerges from underneath his latest invention wearing a bizarre contraption on his head) My daughter, odd? Ha! Where would you get an idea like that?

  • Just look at Maurice's face after a hunk of wood clonks him when it's thrown from his chopping machine. Pure hilarity.
  • Listen carefully, and you'll hear glass shattering just after one of the logs goes flying.
• When Maurice first meets Lumiere and Cogsworth, his first reaction is to pick up Cogsworth and fiddle with the talking clock, trying to figure out how can this be. He shakes Cogsworth up and down, twists his dial (causing some comic pain for Cogsworth), and then tries to get at his pendulum. The brief cut to Lumiere's snickering just sells it.

  Cogsworth: Sir! Close that at once! Do you mind?

• The Bimbettes (the official name for those three blonde ladies) crying at Gaston's "wedding" ceremony for Belle because they are in love with him.
  • What makes it is the contrast to what happened beforehand; Gaston thanks everyone gathered for coming to the wedding reception he's set up in front of Belle's house, and adds jokingly, "But first I'd better propose to the girl!" which makes everyone laugh. Cut to the Bimbettes.
  • Complete with exaggerated animation too; if one pays close attention, two of the girls even have snot dripping down.
• LeFou conducting the band:

  Gaston: Now when Belle and I come out that door-
  LeFou: Oh! I know! I know! I strike up the band!
  (cue fast tempo version of "Here comes the Bride" which is then Cut Short by Gaston throwing a tuba on LeFou's head)
  Gaston: Not yet!
  LeFou: Sorry!

  • Add any song to the clip of Lefou and the band, and it'll be funny.
  • It's shown that he's still conducting the band after Gaston is thrown into the mud.

    LeFou: So, how'd it go?
    Gaston: (grabs LeFou by his shirt) I'll have Belle for my wife. Make no mistake about that!
    (Gaston throws him on the mud)
    LeFou: Hmm, touchy!
    Pig: (agreeing with LeFou) *snort, snort*

• Gaston pausing while proposing to Belle to check out his reflection in the mirror. And the fish eye effect of him when Belle peers out the door to see who it is when he comes to her house to propose.
  • There's also Belle rejecting Gaston by opening her door and letting him fall into the mud head-first with his butt sticking out after saying, "I just don't deserve you!"
    • If you look closely, she waves after him as he topples out the door.
    • Even funnier in the stage version, where he responds to this with "Who does?" This is after a song where he says that women are "occasionally" useful "mainly for extending the family tree", and that "we will be the perfect pair, rather like my thighs".
    • Gaston's proposal song in the musical (aptly titled "Me") ends with him asking Belle "So Belle, what will it be? Is it "yes" or is it... "oooohhhhh, YES!"
• Gaston's vision of his future life:

  Gaston: Here, picture this: A rustic hunting lodge, my latest kill roasting on the fire, and my little wife massaging my feet, while the little ones play on the floor with the dogs. We'll have six or seven.
  Belle: Dogs?

  • The entire attempt at a proposal by Gaston is glorious, as he's blissfully unaware of Belle's extreme disinterest, which isn't helped by the fact that she never actually says no until she lets him out. (By which we mean "dumps him out the door".)
• Belle performs the opening of "Belle (Reprise)" in front of a group of goats and chickens. After singing "Madame Gaston, his little wife," she kicks the lid off a barrel, startling them all, especially the two goats she sends the lid hurtling towards.
• Cogsworth complaining to Lumiere, after Maurice gets thrown in the dungeon.

  Cogsworth: Couldn't keep quiet, could we? Just had to invite him to stay? Serve him tea! Sit in the master's chair! Pet the pooch!

  Lumiere: I was trying to be hospitable!

  • Lumiere doing the "blablabla" motion with his candlestick.
    • Which is made even funnier if you notice that, prior to that, Lumiere appears as if he was checking his nails.
• Lumiere suggesting that Beast should give Belle a better room.

  Lumiere: Master?
  Beast: (angrily) What?
  Lumiere: (tactfully) Since the girl is going to be with us for quite some time, I was thinking you might want to offer her a more comfortable room.
  Beast: (growls so fiercely that Lumiere's flames are almost lit out.)
  Lumiere: Then again, maybe not!

• When the Beast attempts to move Belle from the tower to her own room, it's his stuttering that sells it.

  Beast: Come, I'll show you to your room.
  Belle My room?
  Beast: You wan-You wanna stay in the tower?
  Belle: No...
  Beast: Then follow me.

  • The stutter was actually an editing mistake that was "fixed" in the 2002 Platinum Edition, but re-instated for the 2010 Diamond Edition after fans complained about its removal.
• The moment when Beast tells her to join him for dinner when she's shown her room.

  Beast: You will join me for dinner... THAT'S NOT A REQUEST! (door slams and dramatic music starts)

• Pretty much all of 'Gaston', but especially the lyric "I use antlers in all of my dec-o-rating!" and the accompanying visual.
  • Lefou's antics during the song;
    • The first thing he tries to do is force a smile from his grumpy best bud. When Gaston decks him into a table for it, LeFou immediately recovers and continues singing without missing a beat. You've gotta hand it to Disney characters; when they feel a song coming on, not even getting Punched Across the Room is going to stop them from belting it.
    • At the beginning, he steals a guy's belt while singing "No one's slick as Gaston". The poor fellow doesn't realize what's happened until his pants drop and everyone else is chuckling at his heart-dotted boxers.
  • These lines after throwing Maurice out of the tavern:

    Gaston: LeFou, I'm afraid I've been thinking.
    LeFou: A dangerous pastime-
    Gaston: I know.

  • Even the Dark Reprise is hilarious.

    Nooooooo ooonnnnne
    Plots like Gaston!
    Takes cheap shots like Gaston!
    No one persecutes harmless crackpots like Gaston!

  • Gaston bragging about mundane things, such as his hairiness, his spitting, and his boots.
  • When no-one "matches wits like Gaston", he "wins" a game of chess (that he wasn't even in; two old men were playing) by Flipping the Table.
• When the two barflies say, "All right, old man! We'll help you out!"— and promptly carry Maurice out of the bar.
• Cogsworth telling the Beast that Belle isn't coming down to dinner.

  Beast: Well? Where is she?
  Cogsworth: Who? Oh, the girl! (starts getting nervous) Yes, the...girl. Well, actually, she's in the process of, uh...circumstances being what they are...she's not coming.
  Beast: (after a beat) WHAT?!!??!?

  • Even before that, when the door opens, but before it reveals Cogsworth instead of Belle, the Beast's face could only be described as that of a teenage girl on prom night.
• Belle and the Beast's argument over dinner. The immaturity of them both is what sells it, from the Beast's Big "WHAT?!", to his forced politeness and Belle's retorts.
  • The way the scene cuts from the Beast to his servants. Their reactions turn it from "terrifying chimera in a rage" to "Royal Brat throwing a tantrum".

    Beast: You'll come out, or I'll... I'll break down the door!
    Lumiere: Master, I could be wrong, but that may not be the best way to win the girl's affections.
    Cogsworth: Please, attempt to be a gentleman.
    Beast: But she is being SO DIFFICULT!
    Mrs. Potts: Gently. Gently.

    • The way he hesitates before saying he's going to break the door down, as if this is genuinely the best solution to the problem he can come up with.
  • For added hilarity, someone interpreted how that scene would go with the prince. ◊
  • The Beast says Belle's being so difficult, but tries to ask her to dinner again and when she says no again, he points at the door and looks at his servants while giving them a "There, you see?" look ◊.
    • The best part is that it's a Honeymooners Shout-Out.
  • Then:

    Beast: (through clenched teeth) It would give me great... pleasure... (the fur begins to stand up on the back of his neck) ...if you would JOIN me for DINNER!
    Cogsworth: Ahem-ahem-ahem-ahem-wesayplease.
    Beast: Please.

  • When Belle refuses to eat, the Beast hammily shouts, "Fine! Then go ahead and...STAAAAARRRRRVVVVVEEEEE!!!!"
    • The way the servants wince when the Beast yells.
  • The aftermath: the Beast slams a door so hard some ceiling plaster falls on Lumiere, Mrs. Potts anxiously remarks that "That didn't go very well, did it?", and Cogsworth resignedly heads downstairs so they can start cleaning up.
  • This adaptation takes it Up to Eleven, complete with the Beast throwing a childish temper tantrum.
    • And then there's Belle's snarky comment after it, after she asks him why he's being such a bully: "So, you admit you're being a bully?"
    • Earlier in that adaptation, after the Beast points out how beautiful Belle is and how ugly he is, Lumiere remarks, "He has a point."
    • There's also Lumiere interrupting the Beast's freak-out. Made doubly hilarious with, as per Lumiere, the over-the-top French accent.

      Beast: Well, how's this for 'rude'? If you don't come down, I will GRAB YOU BY THE HAIR AND DRAG YOU ALL THE WAY—
      Lumiere: ZAT MAY NOT BE ZE BEST WAY TO WIN ZE GIRL'S AFFECTIAHNS!

• When Belle first meets Cogsworth properly, he's courteously introducing himself when Lumiere butts in. The way he says "This is Lumiere," tells you just about everything you need to know about these two.
  • Lumiere kissing Belle's hand. And how when Cogsworth pushes him away, he burns his hand...again.
• A tiny moment that will go unnoticed unless you watch the film dozens of times, but in "Be Our Guest", Belle's chair is all ready to tie a napkin around her neck. Belle intercepts the napkin and puts it in her lap instead. The chair puts its arms at its sides in a clear gesture of "Well I never!" See this here.
• "Be Our Guest" was hilarious on its own, especially all the torment Cogsworth went through, but one line in particular is especially hilarious.

  Cogsworth: (almost in sync with the music whilst a group of featherdusters are dancing ever closer to him) Let's go, people. Song's over. Over here. Line up over here. (realizes they're not stopping) Stop! Aaaahhh! (runs for it)

  • The stage version of this moment is even better: "OH NO! NOT THE KICKLINE!!!"
  • At one point in "Be Our Guest", Lumiere refers to some kind of condiment as simply "the grey stuff".
• When Cogsworth and Lumiere are giving Belle a tour, the knight statues are checking her out.

  Cogsworth: As you were!

  • Cogsworth being a quippy tour guide and laughing at his own jokes:

  Cogsworth: Note the unusual inversus vaulted ceiling. This is yet another example of the late neoclassic Baroque period. And as I always say...if it's not Baroque, don't fix it! [*chuckles at his own joke*]

  • Belle's conversation with Lumiere and Cogsworth beforehand (after she has been treated to a production number by a singing candlestick and a veritable platoon of dancing tableware):

    Belle: I couldn't possibly sleep now! It's my first time in an enchanted castle!
    Cogsworth: (laughing nervously as a fork skitters by on its tines) Enchanted? Who said anything about the castle being enchanted? (to Lumiere) It was you, wasn't it?! (they fight)
    Belle: (amused) I... figured it out myself.

• The scene where Belle dresses the Beast's wound after the wolf attack. The Beast licks his wound like a dog, then tries to dodge Belle's attempts to clean it with a ridiculously scared expression, his previously-terrifying roar becomes a childlike tantrum over the stinging wet cloth, and he and Belle bicker Like an Old Married Couple, blaming each other for his injury, before the scene finally ends in a tender Heartwarming Moment. The facial expressions the Beast makes when he and Belle are arguing are hilarious, especially when he's positively dumbfounded that she's telling him off and can't think of anything to say.

  Beast: Well, if you hadn't run away, this wouldn't have happened.
  Belle: If you hadn't frightened me, I wouldn't have run away!
  Beast: (lost for words) ...Well, you shouldn't have been at the west wing!
  Belle: Well, you should learn to control your temper!

  • The stage musical adds another moment to this scene that's absolutely hilarious: Belle puts the rag on the Beast's wound, and instead of roaring like in the movie, the Beast screams like a five-year-old girl. What follows is usually a loud round of laughs from the audience as the Beast awkwardly rubs at his temples until he finally murmurs, "That hurt."
• During Gaston's meeting with Monsieur d'Arque, Lefou adds some levity to the serious scene, by chimming in with a couple of jabs. At Gaston's expense, no less.

  Gaston: It's like this. I've got my heart set on marrying Belle, but she needs a little...persuasion.
  Lefou: [chuckles] Turned him down flat! [Gaston slams a beer mug on his head to shut him up]
  Gaston: Everyone knows her father's a lunatic! He was in here tonight, raving about a "Beast in a castle!"
  D'Arque: Maurice is harmless.
  Gaston: The point is, Belle would to anything to keep him from being locked up.
  Lefou: [laughs] Yeah. Even marry him. [points at Gaston, who gives him another Death Glare and raises his hand to swat him again. Lefou ducks underneath his bear mug]

  • For added Black Comedy, d'Arque's seeming disgust for their scheme (to imprison Maurice until Belle agrees to marry Gaston) but then immediately agrees with absolute glee.

    D'Arque: So you want me to throw Belle's father in the asylum, unless she agrees to marry you? Oh that is despicable. [Evil Laugh] I love it!

• The Beast is trying to think up something nice to do for Belle. Cogsworth brainstorms: "Well, there's the usual things: flowers, chocolates, promises you don't intend to keep..."
  • Bonus points for that last part being ad-libbed by David Ogden Stiers.
• The porridge-eating scene. Beast trying to eat with a spoon is hilarious!
• During "Something There", Belle ducks behind a tree while the Beast feeds some birds, in order to get a gauge on the sudden new feelings she has about him. She peeks back around the tree — to find him with birds perching all over him.
  • She then throws a snowball right into his face after the birds fly off. When he attempts to get back by making a large snowball in his arms, she hits him with another, causing him to to throw the large snowball into the air, which then lands right back on him.
    • Combined with Heartwarming is the Beast's face when he makes his giant snowball. Instead of being angry, it's a playful "Oh now you're going to get it!" expression.
• After the song "Something There", Mrs. Potts doesn't want to answer Chip's question.

  Mrs. Potts: [singing] There may be something there that wasn't there before.
  Chip: What's there, Mama?
  Mrs. Potts: Shh. I'll tell you when you're older.

• That bathing scene with the Beast.
  • The coatrack dumping a bucket of water on him, which causes fur to cover his eyes. He then makes a window for his eyes by moving the fur with his claws.
  • The Beast shaking himself and the Fluffy Dry Cat that follows.
• Beast getting his hair cut for the big dance scene. First time it's finished:

  Lumiere: Oh, you look so...so... (struggling to find the word)
  Beast: (completely deadpan with an over-the-top hairstyle) Stupid.
  Lumiere: Err...not quite the word I was looking for, but, uh... Perhaps, er...a little more off the top.

  • What makes it even funnier is that it's the same hairstyle that was given to the Cowardly Lion in The Wizard of Oz.
• The Beast's face when Belle leans on his chest during the ballroom scene, as well as Cogsworth's and Lumiere's reactions.
  • The adorable look on Chip's face when he asks makes it even better. Even his mother giggles!
• LeFou standing to the side and singing "Kill the Beast" as the villagers are ramming down the castle doors.
• Coathanger versus villager. Guess which one has experience with boxing and is delivering Good Old Fisticuffs.
• Chip saves Belle and Maurice from the locked cellar by weaponizing Maurice's automatic wood chipper to break down the door. As they stare at the rubble, a dazed Chip is dangling from stray wire while saying, "You guys gotta try this thing."
• In the battle against the mob, Cogsworth of all people laughing maniacally with a pair of scissors in one hand and a gun in the other and a general's hat on his head is pretty damn hilarious.
  • Also, in the battle, the Wardrobe traps one of the villagers inside her and dresses him up in... a red wig, a green dress, and a purple bra!
    • The stage show has the wardrobe carrying a spear, wearing a Viking battle helmet, and belts out a high note to an already terrified Le Fou.
  • The baker getting eaten by a suitcase. Apparently, one of the Beast's servants was turned into the Luggage.
• During Belle and the Prince's dance, Lumiere and Cogsworth get into a fight, each claiming he was the one who knew it would work out in the end. Clearly Cogsworth was mostly skeptical during the film.

  Cogsworth: (Shakes Lumiere's hand in truce) Well, Lumiere, old friend, shall we let bygones be bygones?
  Lumiere: Of course, mon ami. I told you she would break the spell!
  Cogsworth: I beg your pardon, old friend, but I believe I told you.
  Lumiere: No, you didn't. I told you!
  Cogsworth: (pushes Lumiere) You most certainly did not, you pompous, paraffin-headed peabrain!
  Lumiere: En garde, you... you overgrown pocket watch! (slaps his face with a glove and the two begin fighting again)

  • They waited until after they'd changed back before trading some worthy insults.
• Lumière and Cogsworth calling each other insults related to the object they were transformed into (fool made of wax, paraffin headed, overgrown pocket watch.)
  • The funniest thing is they were called the last two after they had been turned into humans. The fact that none of them notice this implies they came up with a lot of these over the years.
• After turning human, Chip asks his mom, "Do I still have to sleep in the cupboard?"
• There's also the line from the commentary: "If you scratch your DVD cover, you can take a whiff of the Beast's room!"
  • The impressions they do of the failed Beast auditions are also hilarious.
• In the musical, Gaston's solo, Me, is hilarious. A combination of Evil Is Hammy and It's All About Me in one Villain Song!
  • A meta example that makes this even more hilarious: Hugh Jackman's most embarrassing moment.
• In the stage play, Lumiere and Cogsworth are commiserating over the prospects of being cursed forever, when Belle arrives and passes by looking for Maurice. The following exchange is often played as such:

  Lumiere: Oh, it's a girl.
  Cogsworth: I can see it's a girl.
  (Beat.)
  (Double-take.)
  Both: It's a girl!!!

• In the musical, during the 'Beauty and the Beast' sequence:

  Belle: Dance with me?
  Beast: Oh, I don't know-
  Lumiere and Cogsworth: DANCE WITH HER!!!

  • Earlier in that scene, when Belle first arrives, Lumiere and Cogsworth urge the Beast to "say something" about her dress. He addresses her very politely... and gives this:
• A meta example. When Tony Jay auditioned for the film, since his character had so few lines, he ended up saying all of them in his audition. He got the part, but the filmmakers saw no reason to bring him back seeing how he had already recorded all of his lines.
• Another meta-example. Throughout the show's Broadway run, whenever the actor playing Gaston came out for the curtain call, he was heartily booed by the audience — and he loved it. The Fridge Brilliance of this being that it's really a testimony to how terrific a job he did playing such a loathsome character.
• Yet another meta-example; according to Andreas Deja, the animators held a contest to decide how Gaston's chest hair would be drawn!
• And another meta-example; apparently the Beast has a rainbow butt just like a mandrill!
• Beauty and the Beast As Told By Emoji makes amusing use of iPhone-like interface and apps to help tell the story, such as the Enchantress turning the battery meter into the rose, Beast taking Belle to a "library" of eBooks (each of which has the same title as another Disney movie), and Belle's declaration of love activating an OS update from "Beast" to "Prince".
• "There's just one guy in town / Who's got all of it down... / And his name's G-A-S... T... G-A-S-T-E... G-A-S-T-O... ohh, ow... GASTON!!!"
• The stage show features Lumiere and Cogsworth conversing about their coworkers. Then this happens:

  Lumiere: You remember [Jean Claude]: not too bright, dumb as...
  Cogsworth: (in a tone of realization) A brick?
  Lumiere: The whole wall!

• One of the Gaston stage actors, being told he was going to be cast in the Beauty and the Beast stage musical, and wondering if he was going to play Belle in drag because he felt he was too short for the Beast and not muscular enough for Gaston.
• One of the Belle stage actresses being cheered on by a little girl when she slapped Gaston.
• During the "Gaston" song number, after Gaston spits and the villagers sing "10 points for Gaston," four of them hold up score-cards. Three of them are 10s, but one is a 9.8
• From the song "No Matter What" in the stage show...

  Maurice: No, we're not odd, it's true / No fam'ly ever saner / Except one uncle who... Well, maybe let that pass.

• In the Disneyland Royal Theater stage show, the final battle between Gaston and the Beast devolves into a pie fight and a "Did not!" "Did too!" argument, causing Belle to have to break character and tell them to tell the story as it really happened.

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Source: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Funny/BeautyAndTheBeast

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